Sex with the Svets

[The Svetlanas]

Lets talk about sex...

We're state-approved sex experts and can give you the low-down on how we do things out here in Slabovia.

Think of us like an agony aunt.

[Cleo Kinsey]

Can you get arrested for having sex with pigs in Slabovia?

I personally think it should be ones own choice, but what if one were to partake in this activity, would he be arrested, castrated and become an outcast? Or would he be honoured for mating with the noblest of all animals? And what on earth would their mating create? Man-pig? Pig-man?

[ViVRepublic]

One man's interpretation: He calls it Pig-Man but I rather like "manpig". Here's where I found it: http://www.elfwood.com/art/t/a/tabor/pigman_copy.jpg.html

[The Svetlanas]

Looks like our ex

XXX

[The Tractor Magnet]

Is cross breeding possible? And if not, why not?

Also, is it encouraged in Slabovia?

[The Svetlanas]

What do you get if you cross a parrot and a centipede?

A Walkie Talkie!!!! Hahahahhahahahah

We have copyright on that joke but we will allow you to use it since you are a Tractor Wheel Scraper.

Cross breeding is not possible due to the unique genetic code that is carried in the male sperm and female egg. They cannot combine to form a foetus unless they are from the same animal.

Cross breeding is not actively encouraged in Slabovia due to emotional issues that can sometimes scar the animal involved. That said Professor Probious does one day hope to realise his dream of creating a super animal called, The hedge-Horse.

[Vilovski Hugginovitch]

Dear Svets,

I have been having trouble with my wife. She wants me to make noises like tractor on sex night (she has strict routine for bed fun). Is this a common bed time request in Slabovia? Is she having an affair with a tractor tire scraper?

Anonski

[The Svetlanas]

Hello Volovski!

Many thankyous for your contribution to our discussion about sex! We are glad to hear your wife has a regimented regime in the bedroom as this is an important part of any healthy marriage. Many Slabovian couples like to try different things in the bedroom but you should not feel you have to do them if you are not comfortable with this.

Try and chat to your wife about her needs, and your own, as communication is an important tool.

As for your fears about her having an affair with a Tractor Wheel Scraper you will be most please to know that Tractor wheel Scrapers have only one love; tractors and have no time for anyone, or anything, else.

Hope this helps

SVETS xxx

[Bigov]

Dear Svets

What is the most ridiculous sex law in the world?

[Wii Jaminov]

I Know everywhere (rightly) has laws about people being too young to have sex, but does anywhere have a law that stops sex above a certain age?

I know a guy who was wandering about this.

[The Svetlanas]

Hi Wiee Jaminov!

As far as we know there are no laws that exist that prohibits people above a certain age having sex.

In Slabovia the older a citizen is the more sex is encouraged. Sex is deemed a mild aerobic exercise and forms part of a healthy lifestyle and can thus increase life expectancy.

Hope this helps your friend.

Love

The Svets xxx

[The Svetlanas]

As we are sure you know in Slaboiva we have no strange laws, only great ones that The General has conjured up. Though even he saw the funny side of rule number 299,937,745,462,737, which states that no man should have sex on top of a shed during the rain while the sheds storm doors are open and flapping in the wind.

There are many bizarre sex laws from different countries around the world. Many have been repealed or never really enforced but for some reason or another do exist. We in Slabovia find this law the absolute most bizarre:

In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.

Who thinks they have the right to stop the greatest animal on this planet doing what comes naturally? What if that airport was built over a pig mating ground? Utterly ridiculous I am sure you will agree.

Hope this helps Bigov Viniski

Love

The Svets xxx

[CJ the Slaborolvius]

Dear Svets,

Lately I have caught my sister sharing little "secret smiles" with the neighbours' son. She goes all dreamy when she sees him and bats her eyelids in a ridiculous manner when she speaks to him.
Is this the beginning of Slabovian piglet-love?
If so.. how is the best way to go about killing this man?